Sex Addiction Video Resources
About The Videos
6 Types of Sex Addicts
The first step in recovering from a sex addiction is understanding what type of addict you are or you loved one is. The six types of sex addicts are:
- Biological: Masterbation and pornography based on endorphin releases which leads to repeat behavior.
- Psychological: Dependency on the fantasy world for self-image and worth through sexual behaviors.
- Spiritual: Looking for spiritual fulfillment, acceptance and love through sexual addictions.
- Sexual Trauma: Acting sexually out due to past sexual abuse and trauma - often in a similar manner.
- Intimacy Anorexia: Withholding of intimacy. The spouse or partner often feels like a roommate.
- Mood Disorder: Using a sexual addiction as a "release" to balance the mood disorder.
Always believe behavior. Behavior tells you the truth. This is one of our mantras we focus on in the sexual addiction recovery process.
You need to see behavior toward recovery that is believable. Is your addicted spouse or partner attending counseling sessions, making phone calls, taking polygraphs, completing workbooks and committing himself toward addiction recovery? The more steps you see him complete, the higher the chance of recovery!
Both addicts and their partners need to work together towards a full recovery. Your actions speak louder than words, so be believable.
The Courage To Heal
Dealing with sex addictions is painful. It takes courage to address and work through your feelings, emotions and relationship issues that are related to the addiction.
These feelings and emotions may take you back to places you never wanted to return to or lead you to places you would have never chosen.
This courage will make you a better person and partner at the end of your recovery journey. Choose to be courageous. Our intensives and licensed counselors can show you how.
Validating Her Pain
Her pain is valid. When you are dealing with sexual addictions, you need to validate your spouse or partner's pain and what she is feeling.
You need to acknowledge her emotions - that she feels hurt, insecure, ugly, unwanted or confused. You need to make her realize that you understand she is scared.
If you can validate your spouse or partner's pain, you are going to be able to move through recovery better because they understand that you "get it".
When To Seek Professional Help
Different types of sex addicts may or may not need professional help. For example, sex addicts who only struggle with biological sex addiction can potentially self-recover themselves with resources like support groups and workbooks.
However, other types of sex addicts like those struggling with sexual trauma, intimacy anorexia, mood disorders or who consistently relapse into addictive behavior most often need outside help. These types will benefit the most from our licensed counselors and have the highest chance of recovery with professional help.
The Importance of Using a Polygraph
Dr. Doug Weiss was the first licensed counselor to use polygraph testing in the sexual addiction recovery process. This tool is about one thing. Honesty.
Polygraphs help addicts tell the truth about their addiction. Once the what, where and when is discovered, the freedom and relief polygraphs bring greatly helps on the journey to recovery. It also builds a new track record of honesty while you rebuild your relationships.
Your intuition is a powerful tool (even more so in cases of women's intuition). Many times, when dealing with sex addiction, the sex addict's partner already knows many details about the situation. She usually knows when the addiction became apparent, who or what the object of the addiction was, and how long it lasted.
Intuition can be combined with other outside sources and tools like the polygraph to greatly help the recovery process and get to the truth. Trust your intuition.
Boundaries with Media
Boundaries with media are important. When you are married you become "one flesh" with your spouse. Therefore, it is important to guard yourself against sources of temptation or secrecy.
For example, it is good to have joint social media accounts, email addresses and boundaries for the internet, television and movies. Block adult content and pornography. Build safeguards into your life for accountability.
It is also best to avoid texting and singling out members of the opposite sex other than for professional reasons.
Intimacy Anorexia is the active withholding of spiritual, emotional and sexual intimacy inside of a marriage. From outside the relationship, everything might appear to be fine but inside the spouse feels alone, disconnected, unwanted and rejected. Please call us if you have 5 or more of the warning signs listed below.
Some of the warning signs of Intimacy Anorexia are:
- Busy - Being too busy for their spouse.
- Blame - Blames the spouse for marital problems.
- Withholds Love - In the ways the spouse wants love.
- Withholds Praise - Finds it hard to praise spouse.
- Withholds Sex - Disconnected or feels "alone" during sex.
- Withholds Spiritually - Doesn't pray or connect together.
- Unable to Share Feelings - Difficulty sharing real feelings.
- Anger or Silence - Creates or maintains distance with it.
- Criticism - Ongoing or unfounded critical statements.
- Money - Withholding or limiting monetary resources.
Trust is one of the most important building blocks of any relationship. Sexual addiction can shatter your partner or spouse's trust faster than anything else. It is easy to destroy and hard to rebuild. We can help.
We help you create a new trustworthy baseline and start to rebuild your relationship the right way with the help of polygraphs.
We recommend that sex addicts truthfully verify their stories during a polygraph test. After the statements are confirmed, addicts can retake polygraphs quarterly for the first year, every six months for the second year and yearly after that to maintain trust with their spouse or partner.
What Should I Tell The Kids
It is hard to know what to tell our kids when dealing with sex addiction. As a general rule, the kids don't need to know if they don't already know or were not involved.
If the children were somehow involved, they need to know that what they saw or heard was not normal, that it is a problem and what you are doing to fix the problem. If the children are very young, you can keep explanations at "daddy made a mistake". If the children are older (teenagers), you are going to have to give them a valid reason for your problems or separation.
Never make promises and keep details to a minimum. Remember that your kids are not your support group. Seek out professional counseling and help if you need it.
Clean: Carry Your Weapons
Answer these questions:
- What are you protecting and loving in your life?
- Do you have a clear commitment to be clean?
- Do you have a plan to fight to be and stay clean?
- Whose side of the battle are you fighting for?
Seek help if you are protecting unclean things you want to keep secret, have lifestyles you want to keep hidden and are acting-out in private. Have a consequence for those types of behavior and followthrough if you do that unclean thing!
Who Should I Tell
In cases of dealing with sex addiction, you will naturally want to tell someone else about it and share your story with other people.
First, you need to take some time and find out everything about the sex addiction before sharing it.
Second, be careful about how you share the idea of a "sex addict." Unless someone has already read books like The Final Freedom, they will have their own version of what they think a sex addict is.
Third, you lose control of releasing information. It can spread farther and faster than you think.
We recommend finding support in safe environments. For example, you could share your struggles with licensed therapists, sex addiction counselors, recovery support groups and possibly your spiritual leader.
Being Intentional In Recovery
You have to be intentional when you commit to recovering from your addiction. What intentionality looks like is setting up principles to follow and a structure which keeps moving you forward.
For example, you can commit to attending support groups every week, working on workbooks every day and being accountable for your actions. Be intentional and start your journey to recovery now.
The Power of Praising Your Spouse
You are the primary voice speaking into your partner or spouses life, so be the voice that praises their actions and let them know that you appreciate them!
Protecting Your Kids Sexually
Our children need to be protected from the paths that lead to sexual addiction. Boundaries need to be created and safeguards put in place. If you are a recovering sex addict, you understand just how important this protection is to maintain a clean life.
You can protect your children by:
- Having the conversation with your kids about the dangers of pornography and what is inappropriate.
- When you are with your kids, address the things you do not approve of in media and movies with them.
- Blocking pornography and adult content on the internet including cell phones and mobile devices.
- Monitoring your kids' cell phones and for inappropriate texting or images.